rowanf: (cigana rainha)

PreColumbian finial
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
April 9 - Judgment

Judgment's trumpet calls us to be reborn. To find a new Path. Arise to a new vocation. Got that already actually. I think the Tarot has given me what it can, sometime down the line I will do a full 10 card reading, but I think for now my morning drawing is done.
rowanf: (Fun is my spiritual path)

Breakfast room
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
Reading over my two days worth of tarot musings made me wonder. It is being true to myself to say I am burnt out? Caroline would probably say I should say, "I used to be burnt out but now I am open to possibility." Or somehow make a positive frame from which to move forward. I am not sure. Being realistic about where I am seems like a good starting point to me.

Which brings us to today's card -- three of swords

A swan is pierced by three swords. A heart hangs above.

Not a positive or happy card. Do I feel betrayed by finding myself adrift? Is there some loss of love I don't anticipate in my future? Is it just the isolation of being away from those I love? We have been doing very well at keeping in touch though.

So I am not resonating with this one. The danger of the card-a-day practice is that it can be hard to interpret after awhile. I am shuffling and thinking of future work, so perhaps I will be disappointed in work rather than love.

Last night whilst writing the first part of this I thought I might move an affirmation I worked on after David's suggestion in my April 4 Temperance post (see that comment for the Marian Weinstein original) to a main post.

Here is my current draft of it for me.

I am the perfect embodiment of my Power.
I manifest my Power in the World.
I am open to the Numinous
I hereby release all negative forms, manifestations and shadows
Perfect fulfillment is mine.
Harming none, helping as needed
For the good of this world and all worlds
In love, in truth and in spirit
I am me, vital and open to life.
So Mote It Be

Comments welcome.
rowanf: (Marchetti Chalice)

Shrine
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
Since I had a day without Internet I didn't post April 6th's card, so here is a twofer.

April 6 - the Knight of Cups

The knight rides a unicorn through the waves. A cup shines in the sky wreathed in yellow spirits. It makes me think of a Grail Quest.

Knights are actively seeking mastery of their element. So,am I to seek emotion and fluidity? I can see a need to be flexible and open to what I am really feeling. I sometimes wonder if I am in touch with my feelings. I mean, I seem to move more evenly than many, and so have wondered if I am missing something. I think I am just "phlegmatic" as the medieval folk would say. I don't mind tending toward contentment over drama.

Hmm, back to the card. Does it suggest I need to find my passion? That could be it's relation to work. I am not feeling very passionate about working, I admit. What could I feel passionate about doing? I honestly have no idea. And driving down the hill flared my elbow again to remind me that it is my fantasy self who creates things with her hands.

April 7 - King of Pentacles

Encased in the trunk of an oak tree, this King manifests an acorn in his left hand in a circle of light. A green dragon encircles the tree.

The King has mastery of his suit, the earthy Pentacles speak of work and wealth. The King is practical and enterprising. All he touches grows. I don't see his power in myself, I admit. in have mused on this all day, well or at least during the walking on the beach part. They speak of people who have many years of experience versus one year many times over. In the last few years I have been pretty stagnant. I don't feel any spark of desire to DO something wonderful. I know by this that I am profoundly burnt out. How can I relink to my practical and enterprising King of Pentacles side?

The Emperor

Apr. 5th, 2012 05:15 am
rowanf: (lego library witch)

Path at Ecotermales
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
The Shadowscape Emperor stands bound by, or arising out of, a tree. His cipurving horns have a pendant ankh and he is crowned by a leaf. He holds a ball with a green dragon within, constrained by his hands. Behind him is a circular carving with many animals. So I see him as order and constraint, but within rather than against nature.

I, like many of my generation, resist authority and find it untrustworthy. One need only look around at politicians and others who claim worldly power to see why this is so.

And yet, the work of a librarian -- to bring order to knowledge, to catalogue and create systems is emperor work. What do I want to organize? Where can I best offer my systemization skills in the world?

This is definitely a card whose energy I am ambiguous about.

Temperance

Apr. 4th, 2012 07:32 am
rowanf: (Galactic Love)

Arenal w clouds
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
The winged woman holds a yin/yang ball from which two dragons rise intertwining whilst a small fantasy critter and a bird look on. Harmony, balance, synthesis, healing. Going about one's work with calm deliberation. Finding a middle ground, collaborating rather than going it alone.

I do want my next job to have colleagues and not just coworkers. It was good to be a member of a diverse team, but I yearn for people doing the same thing I am with whom I can brainstorm and share thoughts and strategies.

And I want a job that balances with my rather complicated life. Finding balance -- enough time, enough money, enough focus, enough letting go. I will go forward I calm deliberation and see where that leads.
rowanf: (cigana rainha)

Precolumbian postcard
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
My card for today is the six of wands. In my usual decks the six of wands is triumph and acclaim, the main figure on horseback surrounded by a crowd. In this deck it is a solitary figure calmly raising a laurel wreath. It makes it feel much more an internal triumph than one of recognition by the world.

It asks me to feel good about what I have accomplished. And I do. I was a very good searcher. But, to some degree, intermediated searching is going the way of buggy whip making. I might be able to continue in a niche market like a low firm (nooooooooooo!) but I also have to acknowledge that my triumph has come and gone.

The question is how to move forward. What of my knowledge and skills have broader use? What do I want to do? Do I want a day job that leaves me mostly free to pursue my own interests? Or a vocational job that makes me feel like I am making a difference but eats my life? Part of me wants the latter. And yet I value my on interests and my other obligations and calls on my time.

######

So I slept all day yesterday after the dashes to the bathroom subsided. I had a fever I think. I am better this morning. The bath gel here smells like a banana smoothie. It is a very strange smell to get occasional whiffs of myself. This afternoon I take a bus up to the Arenal volcano park area. My hotel is supposed to have wifi, so I hope to still be connected. I am not sure what I am going to do this morning. Eat breakfast and see how that goes. Hit the cache again and leave the geocaching lanyard I meant to leave in it probably. Pack up and hope my money pouch shows up. Sit out by the pool and enjoy the sun. Maybe take a nap. I have already slept the day and night around but I am still tired.
rowanf: (Default)

acecups_035.jpg
Originally uploaded by rowanf.
Well, bah! I lost yesterday's Lj entry entirely. Before I start to recreate it... or at least hit the high spots, let me share this funny Uncyclopedia entry on Librarian. The people writing Uncyclopedia are having way too much fun as a look at varius other entries (e.g. pirates) will make clear.

I wrote an entry about SLCC yesterday. I hate it when I lose things. It is like when I write them, they're gone. That is why I blog after all. To have an external memory. One thing was this picture on C/net which isn't particularly flattering but surely not as bad as the comment by omnwoblogger asserts. *sigh* And those are fox ears, not horns... just for the record.

Hmm. What else did I talk about? Oh well.

This morning I did another tarot shoot, producing four alternative Aces of Cups. I will probably do them over again... I'd like to add a rainbow to this set up. *grin*

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