Dec. 30th, 2014

rowanf: (Bad fairy)
December has been a pretty good month. Lots of getting together with friends and eating amazing food. In a reasonable world I would be feeling all happy and full of holiday cheer. And, truthfully, there have been days when I've caught the spirit and been quite happy. Today though I'm feeling quite grumpy. Friends are off holiday making or being ill and I'm feeling rather alone. Not so much because I'm not with anyone but because the communication about who is doing what when has been spotty. And something I thought I was collaborating with another person on turns out to be in their mind "my thing". I just want to crawl into a hole and pull the opening in after me. Maybe I can tunnel all the way to a nice tropical beach.

The colder weather has been especially bad for my arthritic hands. I went to several events where I met new people... and people shake hands. I really hate shaking hands now because squeezing my knuckles hurts. And yet I can't bring myself to be one of those women with "dead fish" hands where you just rest it limply on the proffered hand. None of my palliatives are helping my knuckles this week though and I keep expecting my hands to get all gnarly looking but they look fine. Yet another "hidden disability". How crazy would it be to greet people by pressing my hands together as if in prayer as I do when greeting the buddhist monks (who aren't allowed to touch women)? We do that often in interfaith circles in place of shaking hands. I need it to spread to the wider culture.

And, yesterday, my stupid insurance company denied me a replacement wheelchair. Excuse me? I got the current one in 1985, do you really think I shouldn't have a bloody replacement? So I need to gird myself and appeal that. Their letter was dated 12/18 with a "respond within 10 days" clause but they didn't mail it until 12/22 and it arrived on 12/29. I left a voicemail on my claim adjuster's phone and that had better stop the clock. I may have to look into getting an attorney. Just what an unemployed person wants to contemplate.

So yeah, kinda filled with rage and despair and not exactly the holiday cheer one wants. I'm dreading New Year's Eve rather than anticipating it. *sigh* A few days ago I was really excited though and maybe I can recapture that. I'm baking moussaka to share. At least the house will smell of lamb and cinnamon and such yummy goodness. Thought experiment: *throws things* *pounds pillows* *screams really loudly* Nope, none of those things would likely help. (I have never thrown a thing in anger/angst in my life, but I am told it is therapeutic.) I think I will fire up WoW and go kill orcs.

May 2015


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